In my quest to find the glove quality of yesteryear I found online a couple of glove makers in Warsaw Poland and looking at budget airlines I discovered a flight to Warsaw (pronounced Varsava in Polish) and for £38 return ((about $50) I though why not and promptly booked my tickets. I also found a B&B not too far from the city centre and booked that too for two nights.


As the departure date loomed I thought Caro would enjoy this trip too and packed for Her. All had to fit into the tiny hand luggage space allowed by Ryanair, not too much of a problem as the weather forecast promised lovely temperatures and sun so I took my black cotton maxi dress and animal accessories (see photos).

I drove the 70mls to Prestwick Airport in driving rain and sleet and just made the security check in time. The flight was good, short ( 2hrs 15mins) and uneventful. Getting to the city centre was easy on the bus (more on bus travel later). I found a cafe and sat in the sun with a beer enjoying the ambiance of a city I hadn't been in before. The weather was gorgeous! I took a taxi to my B&B (15 Zlotys, £3 or $5 or so).

On arrival I was made most welcome by Awa (Ava) my host. Awa lived on the ground floor and my accommodation was below hers, a lovely basement apartment, decorated beautifully. I had decided before I departed, that Awa must know who would be staying in her apartment and showed her a pic of Carolyn. In a moment or two with a bit of prompting she recognised me and was quite happy about my double identity. I went downstairs promising to return as Caro before I went out for the evening to the old town of Warsaw.

I rested for an hour or so and got ready:- long bath; shaved everything needed to be shaved; lots of fake tan with slight sparkle and TV panstick on my legs (I've got psoriasis), make up and my black dress and leopard print wrap and matching accessories, not forgetting my kid gloves. I went up to Awa's apartment and she was most complimentary. We discussed where to eat in the Old Town and she ordered me a taxi and off I went. The Old Town is in fact new, rebuiltas it was in its entirety after the Nazis razed it during the Jewish Uprising. It was lovely strolling round in the warmth of the evening appreciating the coolness of my summer outfit. I chose a restaurant and ordered a glass of Chardonnay. Poland is not known for its cuisine but I had a reasonable dinner just enjoying being Carolyn. It was lovely sitting overlooking the square watching the people passing by. I have never felt so relaxed as Carolyn, the people I met, talked to were polite even pleasant and never turned a hair. I strolled around some more after dinner having a drink here and a coffee there, returning tired to my flat around midnight. What a lovely introduction to the largest city in Poland.

Next morning, not too early I got Caro ready again and knocked on Awa's door. I told her that I wanted to go to see some glovemakers and she gave me some directions, she asked if I wanted a taxi but I told her I would take the bus into the centre as the stop wasn't too far away. I hadn't been able to find out how to pay for the bus ride from the airport the day before. Awa said I had to buy a pass at the many shops who sell them,(many little places all over the place). I was looking for a place when the bus arrived so got on and was in the centre quickly again without paying. I had a Polish breakfast which is as hearty or health as you wish (guess which one I chose) and set off to find the first glovemaker. Poland still has a number of skilled artisans who operate from small premises producing high quality tailoring, shoes etc. and what I wanted, gloves. I found the the place fairly easily and after a difficult discussion ( me no Polish they little English) I found out that they didn't have the thin kidskin I wanted. A bit disappointed I took a taxi to the next place, I say the next place, I couldn't find it as the address encompassed a whole block almost! I asked and asked various passersby and eventually I found it, Tiny doesn't describe it. It was about 6 ft wide and not much longer, where and old man was working, gloves, patterns and skins everywhere. I thought "this looks promising" but after another difficult conversation I discovered with aid of my digital caliper that he too hadn't any thin material either. I was really downcast, all this way and no joy. I know now the beautiful gloves like there once were are gone for ever, due to no demand, for the dress kid operas which were once common, SHAME! There are other glovemakers in Poland but having done a fair bit of research before I arrived and choosing carefully these ones to visit, I think that's it.

Over a really nice lunch and a glass or two of Chard, I reflected. The weather was beautiful, everyone was treating me like the lady I am (a woman came up to me as we were waiting to cross the street and said "super!") can't be bad. I was addressed universally as Madame, smiles and courtesy from everyone. Great!

After taking an open top bus tour of the city, I returned home on the bus without paying again and fell onto my bed exhausted but happy, Caro was having a wonderful time.

I woke up as it was beginning to get dark, well no too much in northern Europe at that time of year, and prepared to go out for diner. I heard Awa coming into her apartment so went up to ask her to come to diner with me. She said "thank you" but she was too busy (she runs three apartments). She ordered a taxi for me to the Old Town so I set off again to experience the lovely evening. I chose this time the most upmarket place I could find and had a delicious meal. A seafood medley starter followed veal in a pepper cream sauce and a meringue concoction to finish 'twas wonderful with a bottle of Chard. to wash it all down. I wandered off down through the little streets reluctant to end the evening, stopping for coffee a couple of times finding myself the last customer in a cafe at the corner of the main square (see photo) it was midnight! My pumpkin was waiting to take me home (well a taxi). I let myself in and posed again and again in the mirror, alas it was over, the best experiences ever as Carolyn.

It was morning and my brief stay in Poland was almost over. I went upstairs and Awa and I made our farewells and again I travelled into town on the bus again without a ticket. I had another Polish breakfast in the Radio Cafe, famous as the meeting place of the Polish contributors to Radio Free Europe during the cold war. It was time to travel to the airport again you've guessed without paying. As the bus reached the terminus I was congratulating myself on the cheap holiday I'd had when a ticket inspector appeared just as I was getting off. The free bus travel I had enjoyed wasn't free after all. I was fined 136 Zlotys (about £27 say $20) A bus ride cost 5 Zlotys! and I had been wondering what to do with the all the Zlotys I hadn't spent, aah well!

It was the best time ever as Carolyn. To hell with the glove quest, I had a wonderful time. The Warsawians were either blind or really polite but it was lovely

MAQUILLAGE

In English, MAKEUP! Make up for "Trannies" is not the gloop of lippy and slash of eyeshadow, which women use. You will have to develop a high degree of skill to achieve a passable result. Women's faces are different. Fat deposits on their cheeks, above their eyes, on the chin, large eyes, high eyebrows. In a word female! Men have brow ridges, larger jaws, big chins, smaller eyes etc. not to mention bushy eyebrows and of course hair all over! Women retain their childlike features, whilst men grow out of them. This retention of juvenile characteristics, is called "Neotency". Evolutionists believe this is an adaptation so women and their babes will be cared for by society, a theory I might add not embraced by radical feminists. Don't believe me? Can you tell the difference between most male and female mammals? Chimpanzees are all hairy!


I digress, so how do you make your face more feminine? Most women don't have a clue what they are doing when they apply make up. You need to be different. You highlight the features you want and shade ones you don't. A simple statement but it's the secret to looking feminine. Women do this almost by accident, tradition really.

A famous T.V. and performer "Stephan" now sadly departed, began his career by making up in black and white, to learn how to shape his face. I recommend this to you if you're at all serious about making the best of yourself.

A close shave goes with out saying but you would be be surprised the amount of stubbly Trannies I've encountered. Next foundation; I recommend Charles Fox's TV Panstick (means made for television, not Trannies!) comes in various shades, for a start try No. 4 or 5. Foundation is to even out the tones of your skin, no red blotches, veins etc. Apply generously all over inluding over eyebrows and down your chest and around neck to avoid a tide mark.

NEXT FACESHAPING (highlight what you want, shade what you don't).

Apply white eyeshadow to the entire eye area including the centre of the face and down the nose. White also to the very high cheekbones almost to the temples and white to point of chin. Shading now. Apply a dark reddish brown eyeshadow  (how dark you'll have to decide) to the hollow of you cheeks if you're lucky to have them or where they should be. Also along and beside the jaw line; centre of forehead; temples; down under your chin; your cleavage (another topic to come) and under your nose if you're me! And down the sides of your nose. These are general rules. You will have to decide what makes your face the most feminine you can achieve.

EYES

The aim here is to make your eyes more prominent. Shade the eyesockets and highlight the lids with colours to compliment your irises and to a lesser extent your outfit. With a soft faily narrow brush draw a dark shade along the crease of your socket concentrating on the outer part. Highlight the edges of lids with a light shade. Draw shadow along the lower lids emphasising the outer area. Eyeliner is optional, (too fiddly more most occasions). Finish by highlighting below eyebrows.

EYELASHES

I wear false eyelashes and I think you should too unless you're endowed with "paintbrush" lashes. Eyelashes come in a dazzling variety from "daytime " to outrageous evening extravaganzas. Putting on false lashes requires lots of practise and should not be attempted if you are in a hurry. Trim eyelashes to length and apply glue, wait 20 secs or so and position closely above your own lashes and press lightly, sounds easy but is not, especially if you're blind in one eye like me (self adhesive ones are available now).  Individual false lower lashes are a real fiddle so don't bother. Apply mascara to upper and lower lashes. It's good idea to curl your lashes before applying your false ones, curl the false ones too, lash curlers are available widely.

EYEBROWS

Women generally have higher eyebrows than men and you should try to simulate this appearance. If you can pluck your brows, great. Always from underneath. This opens up the above eye area for more eyeshadow! Draw eyebrows with a stiff brush and dark eyeshadow using short strokes. Try to make the arch as high as you can.

LIPS

Women have fuller and larger lips in relation the their faces so you must strive for this too. I draw an outline in brown pencil (not neccessarily the final outline) but as a guide and fill in. Darker lipstick on the upper and highlight the centres of lips with gloss or white. This is to simulate fullness. Also darker at corners helps the illusion. Before the final application of lipstick (2 coats are advisable for staying power) cover your whole face, lips and neck down to your cleavage with translucent loose power. press the powder into your face not wiping. Brush excess off gently with a large powder Apply final lipstick and highlight centres blot and add lipgloss.

FINAL TOUCHES

Only do this after putting on your wig, dress, jewellry etc. This allows you to balance intensity of your make up against the colour and overall effect of your ensemble. Apply blusher to the apples of you cheeks (you'll again have to experiment with colour here) I use "Chestnut" colour mostly. Stand back from mirror and assess your appearance. You can bring up your face with brighter lips, blusher and or eyeshadow or tone things down by blotting lips and more all over powder.

I generally use my fingers to apply my foundation and large shadings as do some top make up artists. your may chose to use a sponge or brush.

Buy the cheapest make up, lets you chop, change and experiment without guilt!

BRUSHES

Buy the best you can afford; I but mine from MAC, online.

TAKING IT ALL OFF

I've tried most make up removers. I find they all sting and irritate. Nothing beats baby oil. Failing that, cooking oil or butter works well! Always have your own towel, the amount which comes off is amazing.

THE FUTURE

Don't get stuck in a rut like most women. Keep trying new colours, products, etc. Make up is an art and you'll get better with practise. I look much better than I used too, fending off the effects of age I like to think!

GET OUT THERE AND SHINE!

HIGH HEELS

Can you wear high heels and not suffer in agony? Well yes, if you follow a few rules.


Don't be tempted to buy cheap shoes, by that I mean shoes not made of leather. Ahh, shame if your a Vegan! I've never been comfortable in man made substitutes and I guess you won't be either. Leather moves, breathes and not least looks beautiful, moulding even, to your size 11s!

Experiment with heel heights of course. Low heels will always be more comfortable but you'll be surprised if you try various makes and styles. Heels which come well under your foot are more supportive and can be worn higher than those set back. Laced shoes are really comfortable, spreading the loads from the heel all over your foot. Toe shapes are critical but even pointed toes will fit you if you buy them big enough. If you can, buy your shoes late in the day when your feet have swelled. Don't believe that "they'll loosen off". If they're uncomfortable in the shop they'll be uncomfortable thereafter. After a few costly mistakes, you'll get to know which manufacturers suit you for size and style, allowing you to buy mail order or online, confident that they'll fit. I favour Prada, Nine West, BBCGirls, L.K.Bennett, Michael Shannon, to name but a few. Next and M&S have larger sizes online rather than in the shops.

Where to buy? Well the best selection is online. I look in the high street (don't be shy, most places don't bat an eye when you ask to try on) then buy them cheaper online or Ebay. Ebay is where I buy these days, from America mostly, where there are masses available, new and second hand, inexpensive including shipping in my size (American 11, 8 1/2 in the UK) and even bigger.

Boots are lovely and I have many pairs, some made to measure (The Little Shoe Box) or taken in on the leg to fit my calves. Ladies have fatter legs, fatter everything actually, that's why they're curvy! I prefer straight leg styles, Russian as they were once called, all about 4" heel height, knee length. Shorter styles don't flatter the thinner leg. Some people wear socks with boots, I don't know if it's to keep their feet warm but buy them snug so your feet don't slide and you'll be more comfortable. Store your boots and shoes on boot jacks or shoe trees to keep them crisp and unwrinkled.

Please don't think you shouldn't wear high heels because you're tall. Think of Princess Diana! Heels are essential to slim and elongate your appearance, apart from making you look elegant and feel great!

Practice makes perfect. The only way to become adept in heels is to wear them and I don't mean on carpet! Get out and about, enjoy the click, click of your steel tips on the pavement, accepting the admiring glances and loving the poise and grace which comes with it.









© Carolyn

STOCKINGS

Not just stockings but fully fashioned stockings. That is, stockings knitted flat, cut to shape and then sewn up the back to form the "seam". They are non stretch, therefore flatter the calf when pulled tight.(Good for male legs) Do not confuse them with "seamed" which are knitted whole and have a row of stitching at the back and are made of stretch yarn. Fully fashioned stockings almost disappeared, Aristoc for example, selling it's machinery to GIO, but luckily for the sake of elegance they have had a resurgence.


Fully fashioned stockings come in sizes 9, 10, 10 1/2, 11, etc. not small, medium and large or worse still, one size fits all. Various heel styles are available, Point (my favourite) Cuban, American etc. I am 5' 10" and I find 10 1/2 fits me best. Ladies need slightly larger sizes for the same height due to their curviness, as mentioned fully fashioned don't stretch so to fit wider legs they become shorter. Colours are available which were unobtainable hithertoo; red, white, blue, grey, some with contrast seams, gold thread, etc. (Fully fashioned stockings are dyed after being made), apart from the perenial favourite, black.

I used to wear tights, unseamed and all sorts but now wear exclusively fully fashioned. I came to the conclusion that nothing is more attractive and "right" with the clothes I wear. This decision required some courage. You will receive lots of looks so be prepared. Be prepared to be the centre of attention but no one will be more stylish. I warn you. CONFIDENCE WILL BE REQUIRED!

What to wear with your stockings? Well "retro" fashion of course but as always, inventive dressing always is the way forward so experiment.

Stockings are expensive and fragile so one must be very careful handling, especially when putting on. It is advisable to wear hosiery gloves (most stocking stockicts sell them) as it is the roughness of ones hands which generally do the damage, (I sometimes sometimes dig ditches!) Carefully ruffle the stocking up until you're got it over your hand to your wrist with the seam straight; point your toe and easy the stocking up and over your foot and leg, checking all the time for straightness and secure to you suspenders. The seam alignment is paramount so check your suspenders after a bit. Your stockings are reasonable durable once on but do be careful of sharp edges etc. when out and about. Mind you a run can be quite attractive!

Always wear your stockings inside out! The seam is more prominent. You want your expensive fully fashioned elegant legs to be NOTICED!

Of course shave your legs and use lots of cream (I don't bother). Dark shades cover a multitude of sins. I have bad psoriasis which I cover with make up and noboby has commented. you can wear tights underneath it does make a difference, but there is a limit.

Anything goes today in the fashion world, including thank goodness style and good taste. Fully fashioned stockings are not only expensive but look it!

Do you have (excuse the expression) the balls to wear them?

Over to you!